Parenting and Punishment

"Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”-Peter Krause

Introduction

Parenting is considered one of the toughest and most engaging challenges that require a lot of patience, care, and love. The newly born feel safe under their parents' umbrella, especially the mother. Nurturing, protecting, teaching, holding on and off; the to-do list is never-ending, but one cannot do it without a concrete experience. Parenting in India is highly influenced by the child's grandparents and society. Parents opt for the parenting styles that they look around or are asked to apply. These styles can sometimes be unfit for the children. One of the flaws that has been running through generations of parenting is the way a child is punished.

A child is punished to reduce or eliminate its unwanted behaviors. Most of the punishment is carried out by giving physical pain to the child.

Types of Punishment

According to B.F Skinner, there are two types of punishment.

Positive Punishment

Positive Punishment involves the adding of an unpleasant action to the unwanted behavior. For example, slapping a child for his incomplete homework. In this type, the child's behavior is suppressed.

Negative consequences of Positive Punishment

1. Temporary suppression

2. Severe and has an immediate effect only

3. The child learns to stay away from the punisher

4. Encourages other unethical practices like lying

5. Builds up fear, anxiety

6. Encourages seeking attention by the misbehavior

Case study:

Once a counselor interrogated a child about his ill behavior at school to which he replied after a few sessions with the counselor. The reason for him being mischievous was that during the PTA meeting, he gets attention from his mother when the teacher complains about him. He seeks it no matter if that attention is influenced by his unacceptable behaviors.

Negative Punishment

Negative Punishment involves taking something good or desirable away to reduce or eradicate unwanted behavior.

For example, reducing the screen time for misbehaving with elders. This type of punishment is lauded and has been found effective when used repeatedly.

Positive outcomes of Negative Punishment

1. A sense of understanding emerges

2. The child regulates his behavior by himself

3. Doesn't include any kind of abuse

4. Relatively permanent and effective than Positive Punishment

Positive Parenting

Based on positive psychology, this perspective believes in the approach of focusing on nurturing good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior. Philosopher and psychiatrist Alfred Adler said that children act in healthy ways when they feel encouraged and appreciated.

To make their children feel capable, justifiable, secure, and connected, positive parents should always-

1. Respect and try understanding of their children

2. Show affection constantly

3. Have clear expectations

4. Have a balance of being independent and holding on when needed

Ways to nurture the parent-child relationship

1. Be genuinely present - A toddler requires basic learning, a kid craves playtime and a teenager needs a helping hand to sort things in life

2. Lead by example - Do things that you would want them to follow. Do not give them mixed messages by saying something and doing the opposite.

3. Empathize with them- Let them know you feel what they feel, it helps them in generalizing their pain

4. Make use of positive language and reinforcers - You do not need to overdo this, but it's good to compliment their progress to keep them motivated.

Takeaway Message

"I came to parenting the way most of us do- knowing nothing and trying to learn everything."-Mayim Bialik

Parenting and children both require their own pace. It's gradual, overlapping. In the early days, mistakes are committed, rectified, but are not punishable. Make use of reinforcers to inculcate discipline and learning in them. Seek help from child counselors, verified YouTubers relating to the field of psychology. Tweak your parenting styles according to the requirements of your child. A healthy bond creates a healthy environment for the children to nurture and flourish, making the process enjoyable for the family!

References

• https://www.healthline.com/health/positive-punishment#:~:text=Positive%20punishment%20is%20a%20form%20of%20behavior%20modification.&text=Positive%20punishment%20is%20adding%20something,happen%20again%20in%20the%20future.

• https://www.prodigygame.com/main-en/blog/positive-parenting/

• https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Disciplining-Your-Child.aspx

• https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-negative-punishment-2795409#:~:text=Negative%20punishment%20is%20an%20important,occurrence%20of%20a%20particular%20behavior